Vending Machine Crisis – Eve has a problem when using the Vending Machines and occasionally asks other people to use them for her. This is a log of the war between Dallas and the Vending Machines:
Betrayal in Death[]
Eve: “I put the proper credits in, you blood-sucking, money-grubbing son of a bitch.”
Eve punctuated this by slamming her fist where the machine’s heart would be, if it had one. -- p. 224
Seduction in Death[]
Eve: “The vending machines around here hate me. They steal my credits and laugh in my face.”
“You’ve had your vending machine privileges suspended again for kicking the equipment, haven’t you?” -- p. 196
Reunion in Death[]
To give her hands something to do, she dug out a credit, plugged it in, and ordered a candy bar....
“Don’t kick it! ... You'll lose your vending privileges again.” -- p. 149
Imitation in Death[]
“What’s wrong with your badge number? You go over your limit?”
“I plug in my number, the machine will give me grief. The one up by our squad hates me, has a personal vendetta. And they talk to each other, Baxter. Don’t think they don’t communicate.” -- p. 157
Big Jack/Remember When[]
She plugged in a couple of credits and ordered a large bottle of water.
Vending machine: “You have selected ...”
Eve: “Jesus, cut the commercial and give me the damn water.” She thumped a fist against the machine.
Vending machine: “You are in violation ...”
Even as Eve reared back to kick, Peabody was popping up. “Dallas! Don’t!” -- p. 315
Visions in Death[]
Eve: “Hey you.” She signaled to a passing uniform, the dug out credits. “Get me a Pepsi.”
The uniform looked down at the credits Eve dumped in her hand.
“Ah, sure, Lieutenant.” -- p. 106 On her way up to see Feeney, she snagged a drone from Illegals and had him pump her out a tube of Pepsi from vending. She thought her new method was working out well. The machines didn’t balk, and she wasn’t tempted to beat them into rumble.
A good deal all around. -- p. 258
Survivor in Death[]
... She spotted Detective Baxter at a vending unit, getting what passed for coffee. She dug out credits, flipped them to him. “Tube of Pepsi.”
“Still avoiding contact with vending machines?”
“It’s working. They don’t piss me off, I don’t kick them into rubble.” -- p. 55
Origin in Death[]
“Oh, they live, Peabody. They live and they think their evil thoughts. Don’t believe otherwise. See,” Eve said darkly as the machine began to list the ingredients and caloric content.
... [Peabody’s lines]
“They talk to each other through their little chips and boards, and are probably plotting to destroy mankind. One day, it’ll be them or us.” -- p. 27 She got off the glide on their level, pointed to the soft drink machine, then passed him (Baxter) credits. “Get me a tube of Pepsi.”
“You’re going to have to interact with the vending machines again sooner or later.” -- p. 171
Memory in Death[]
On the way out, Eve stopped at one of the vending units. “Get yourself some water,” she told Peabody. “Get me the cold caffeine.” -- p. 51
Born in Death[]
She dug out credits. “Get me a tube of Pepsi from that sarcastic, sadistic thing people call a vending machine.” -- p. 53
Eve: “Use this, gimme Pepsi.”
Uniform: “Sure, Lieutenant.”
Because the uniform didn’t blink at the request, Eve assumed her cold war was known throughout the department. -- p. 171Eve dug credits out of her pocket. “Grab me a tube of Pepsi will you?” -- p. 185
Creation in Death[]
For an answer, she shifted and kicked the vending machine so viciously it sent off its security alarm.
Vending Machine: “Warning! Warning!
“All right, then,” Roarke said mildly, and taking her arm, pulled her down the corridor. “Let’s just take this to your office before we’re both arrested for attempting to steal fizzies.” -- p. 145 (Hardcover)
Strangers in Death[]
... she stopped in front of Vending and eyed the machine with suspicion and dislike. “Don’t fuck with me,” she mumbled, and plugged in credits. “Tube of Pepsi.” The machine seemed to consider, to ponder - she all but heard it whistling a taunting tune. And just as she reared back to give it a good kick, it spat out the tube along with its tedious content data. Eve snatched the tube out before it changed its mind... -- p. 187
Salvation in Death[]
Eve stopped at a vending machine, scowled at it. “Give me grief, I dare you.” She jammed in her code. “Tube of Pepsi, and stuff your damn contents and nutrition value.”
She continued to stalk away as the machine sang out the current Pepsi jingle. -- p. 92
Calculated in Death[]
Eve stops by Vending, settling for something laughingly billed as a blueberry Danish. She plugged in her code, her selection. And got nothing but a grinding hum and blinking lights.
“Come on, bitch.” She repeated the process, and this time received a few weak beeps. “Damn it, I knew it wouldn’t last.”
Her poor history with machines haunted her, and now she wanted that damn anemic-looking excuse for a breakfast pastry on a matter of principle.
She gave the machine a solid kick.
Vandalism or physical force on this machine or any others on the premises can result in termination of Vending privileges for a period of thirty to ninety days. Please insert coin, credit or authorized code, and your selection.
“That’s what I just did you useless piece of junk.” She reared back to kick it again but Baxter intercepted the move and bought her the Danish using his own code.[1]
Dark in Death[]
When Eve ordered a Pepsi in Dark in Death, she got a Fester’s Diet Cream Soda instead.
Eve: “This is a damn diet cream soda, you fuck.”
Vending Machine: “Inappropriate language noted. Fester’s Diet Cream Soda offers classic taste guilt free! There is no nutritional value, and certain additives--listed on request--may pose health risks including--”
Eve: “Shut up. Just shut the fuck up and give me my damn Pepsi.”
Vending Machine: “Second incident of inappropriate language noted. Warning! A third incident will result in suspension of Vending privileges.”
Eve: “Note this. I will rip your circuits out with my bare hands, blast them to oblivion with my police issue if you don’t give me my damn Pepsi.”
Vending Machine: “Threats of vandalism will be reported, Harcove, Detective Clint. Acts of vandalism will result in suspension of Vending privileges and a two-thousand-dollar fine plus cost of damages.”
Eve started to tell the idiot, computerized pain in her ass she wasn’t Harcove, Detective Clint, then reconsidered.
Eve: “Give me the tube of Pepsi I ordered.”
It shot one out.
Vending Machine: “Your account has been charged for one tube of Pepsi. Pepsi, the choice of generations!”
That would be Harcove’s account, Eve thought as the machine spouted off its hype and warnings.
Vending Machine: “Two violations of inappropriate language and one threat of vandalism have been added to your file.”
Eve: “Yeah.” Eve cracked the tube. “Add this: You can bite me.”
When she walked into Homicide, she tossed the cream soda to Peabody, who said, “Hey, thanks.” Eve said, “Thank Detective Clint Harcove.” Peabody asked, “Who’s that?” and Eve replied, “I have no idea.”[2]
Passions in Death[]
When Eve punched in her code at a vending machine in the lounge, she was treated to this:
Vending Machine: “Welcome, Baxter, Detective David. Your code is verified and you are free to make your selection.”
Eve: “Fine, whatever.” She programmed for the iced tea, the water, and went for Pepsi.
Vending Machine: “Please be advised, your selection of Summer Time Iced Tea and Pepsi both contain artificial flavorings and chemical additives.”
Eve: “Oh, bite me,” Eve muttered as the machine listed them.
Vending Machine: “Enjoy your selections, Baxter, Detective David. Your account has been charged.”
Eve: “Great.”[3]
References:
- ↑ Calculated in Death, Chapter 3
- ↑ Dark in Death, Chapter 13
- ↑ Passions in Death, Chapter 8